Curiosity MAY Have Killed the Cat
You might think you’ve got your partner all figured out. And, while it’s great to know each other well, have you stopped to consider that there’s a pretty fine line between understanding and assuming? Thirty years in the therapy business has shown me that couples CAN fall into the trap of thinking they know everything there is to know about each other. What I see so frequently is that this can lead to boredom or same-ness in communication. But what if I told you that a little curiosity could be the secret sauce to keeping your relationship fresh and vibrant?
Not just for cats, curiosity is a powerful tool that can transform your relationship from knowing each other’s scripts (**eyeroll** “I KNEW you were going to say that….”) to really engage in interesting conversations. When YOU are curious, you’re not just waiting for your turn to speak; you’re genuinely interested in what your partner is sharing, no matter how well you think you know them.
Curiosity Matters Because It:
1. Keeps It Fresh: Things can easily get a bit TOO routine and curiosity brings back that element of surprise and excitement as you discover more about your partner’s evolving thoughts, feelings, and passions.
2. Builds Deeper Connections: Asking questions AND showing genuine interest in your partner's answers can’t help but deepen the connection. It shows that you genuinely care about what’s going on in your partner’s world, far beyond ‘what’s for dinner’ or ‘did you pay the electric bill’!
3. Encourages Open Communication: When curiosity leads the way, your talks become less about defending personal viewpoints (hello, endless tug o’war!) and more about exploring each other’s perspectives. This absolutely fosters better understanding and far less conflict. Trust me when I say that you don’t HAVE TO AGREE in order to listen to what someone else believes!
How to BE Curious?:
- Ask Open-Ended Questions! Instead of the usual “How was your day?” try “What was something that made you smile today?” or “Did anything surprise you today?” Open ended questions will rarely get a simple ‘yes/no’ answer!
- REALLY Listen: This means listening to hear and not just to respond! Put away distractions, make eye contact, and focus on understanding their point of view. Bonus points for saying “What I hear you saying is (and then repeat what they’ve said, word for word!!!)
- Be Open to Differences: Remember, together you’re not one person! Each of you is a separate person with unique experiences and ideas. Consider your differences as opportunities instead of obstacles.
Check Out These Building Blocks for Curious Conversations:
- Schedule Regular Check-ins: Yep! I want you to set aside time each week (preferably each day!) for couple time where you can talk about more than just daily logistics. If you’ve ever been in a session with me, you KNOW that I (strongly) encourage 15 minutes EVERY DAY to connect and earlier, not later! Ask me why!!!
- Create a No-Judgment Zone: Make these sessions a safe space where both of you can express thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism.
- Keep it Light ‘n Fun: Sometimes, just exploring silly or hypothetical questions can bring a lot of joy and laughter into your relationship. When did you last cause your partner to LOL?
Being curious doesn’t mean you don’t know your partner; it means you recognize that there’s always more to learn and love about them. It’s about peeling back the layers of everyday routine to get a glimpse into their inner world. So next time you catch yourself assuming you know the full story, take a step back and ask a question instead. You might be surprised at how much more there is to discover.
Curiosity can indeed revive the excitement in your relationship—give it a try, and watch your connection grow deeper and stronger than ever! Need some additional guidance? That’s why I’m here as your Texas Therapist! Call me and let’s talk about how this might just be the nudge needed to sharpen your relationship!
