Who doesn’t like cookies?
I LOVE cookies.
What the heck do cookies have to do with resentment, you ask?
Well, let me tell you.
Imagine that you are a girl or a guy who does a lot for people because you just love making them feel good.
Let’s say that you’re a mom, for example. You know (because you’ve watched, listened and learned) that your family L O V E S peanut butter cookies. So, you decide that you are going to make them a batch of cookies.
And they flip out (in a good way!)!
“Oh my goodness, Mom! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You’re the BEST Mom/Wife E V E R! These are our favorite cookies in the whole wide world. Thank you!”
And that, my friends, feels awesome.
Am I right or am I right?
So, you think to yourself, ‘that really did make them so very happy. I’m gonna do that again.
So the next morning, you get up a bit earlier and you bake another batch of those yummy peanut butter cookies that your family loves so much.
They are again delighted and surprised! Two days in a row – peanut butter cookies! WOW.
So, why not do it a 3rd day. This feels good for you all.
Third day, you get up early (never mind that you had a late night last night finishing those pesky work emails and cleaning up the house before you even went to bed, starting a load of laundry and adding to the grocery list later than usual ((that’s another blog for another time, I promise)), because you love your family so much!
Only, today, their response is not that enthusiastic. They are delighted still, because who doesn’t love cookies for breakfast, but it’s not quite what it has been.
You are a determined person. You are going to give them some more cookies the next couple of days because maybe Day 3 was just a bit off.
Only (again), the response is a bit less than even before.
What the heck?
Following me here?
Maybe the next day, you’re a little gruffer, a little more tired, a little more frustrated and when they say “thanks, Mom/Honey”, you respond with something akin to ‘whatever’. Almost like “here’s your dang cookies…..” with a backward toss of the hand.
“What’s wrong, Mom/Honey?”
“Nothing. I’m FINE (which we all know does NOT mean fine).”
You are not fine.
You are angry. You’re hurt. You’re confused. You’re frustrated.
And you are feeling something known as RESENTMENT.
Resentment: a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.
That is not what you are communicating.
We can come back to that when we talk about communicating effectively. And yes, there is such an animal!
So, you ask, “Delee, what do I do to stop feeling so resentful, so angry, so hurt?”.
Glad you asked because I do have an idea. And it goes something like this:
Tomorrow morning, before you bake them a batch of those scrumptious peanut butter cookies, I want you to bake yourself the cookies that YOU LOVE (hello, white chocolate macadamia nut). And while their PB cookies are baking, you’ll be sitting there with your favorite cookie and your cuppa something yummy, taking care of yourself. When’s the last time you tried that?
Blasphemy, you say! I’m a Mom/Wife – I can’t take care of me. I’ve got all of them to take care of.
Again I say to you – eat the cookies that you love.
When they walk into the kitchen ready to grab the cookies and be out of the door, they’ll notice something different. And likely, they’ll ask you what is going on. To which, you will calmly reply,
“I’m eating my favorite cookies while your favorites bake.” And you might hear, ‘really? Those are your favorites? You never make those!”
Because they cannot really know you if you don’t take care of yourself and show them who you are and what YOU like and enjoy.
Maybe it’s good to let the people that you love know your favorite cookie, your favorite color or music or band, your favorite movie or flower.
It’s called balance. Balance allows you to take care of you so that you can take care of them. You know them so well…..introduce yourself to them.
If you’re having trouble with this in your life, send me an email or give me a call. Let’s sit down and see what else might be pulled into alignment, what ‘tweak’ you might make in your day-to-day that makes huge change elsewhere. Maybe a batch of cookies is all it will take.
Until then, take care of you ~ Delee